Ghosting and Civility
The psychology of ghosting involves a fear of confrontation, poor communication skills, and avoidance of emotional discomfort. It is a self-preservation tactic used to escape awkward or difficult situations without having to directly communicate feelings.
I have previously blogged about the ethics of ghosting with respect to the dating scene. Research from the online dating site Plenty of Fish found that of 800 millennial daters between the ages of 18-33, almost 80% of singles have been ghosted. Why does it happen so often? One reason is communicating on social media sites is impersonal and a form of communication that makes it easier to ignore the other person and be oblivious to their feelings. Discussing why you dumped someone in person is fraught with stress and possibly embarrassment. Social media serves as a protector of the dumper’s feelings but potentially harms the dumpee’s feelings of self-esteem.
I wanted to broaden my perspective on the harm of ghosting, so I read different viewpoints online. One was provided by Nick Kossovanabout, a frequent author of online ‘thought’ pieces. He points out that “At its root, ghosting is about control. By vanishing, people remove the other person’s chance to influence their decision.”
Ghosting in the Workplace
If ghosting occurs in the workplace, it could be because you have decided to accept employment from one employer so, you decide, there is no need to have additional communication with those employers with whom you interviewed. Perhaps you say: “These employers will figure out after a while that I am not interested in working for them.” Kossovanabout suggests that “ghosting stands out as the most upsetting form of social regression, especially in the workplace.
I’ve argued before that ghosting is endemic to today’s society that is driven by incivility. On a basic level, it’s unusual when someone says “please” or thank you.” That requires acknowledgement. However, the party doing the ghosting wants to cut off all communication whereas these niceties could lead to further discussion.
Ghosting can leave emotional scars and do damage to the recipient’s self-esteem, especially if they have a fragile ego. Should you care about how your avoidance affects others? Yes, if you want to be a good person; someone who is caring, considerate, and empathetic. After all, as The Golden Rule commands: Treat others the way you wish to be treated. There are other versions of the Rule. The one most appropriate for ghosting is: “Don’t do something to someone else that you would not want done to you.” I like this version because it denotes a positive obligation to treat others ethically.
Ghost Jobs
A survey of workers from a leader in hiring software found “Ghost Jobs” – positions advertised with no intent to hire – and “Ghosting” – when employers abruptly stop communicating with candidates without any explanation – are two common concerns for current job seekers.
The survey of 2,500 workers across the United States, United Kingdom, and Germany found that nearly two-thirds (60%) of U.S. job seekers have applied to suspected “Ghost Jobs” – positions advertised with no intent to hire – which along with “Ghosting” are two common concerns for current job seekers, according to the Greenhouse 2024 State of Job Hunting Report.
The report found that posting “Ghost Jobs” is becoming more prevalent in the job market and harder for candidates to avoid. Greenhouse data shows this phenomenon of ghost jobs is not just in the heads of job candidates. In any given quarter, 18–22% of the jobs posted on the Greenhouse platform are classified as ghost jobs, according to a blog about the report.
The Greenhouse report revealed most “Gen Z” candidates in the U.S. (71%) suspect they have encountered a “Ghost Job.” Out of the candidates who suspect they have applied to a ghost job, 29% applied anyway and 31% decided not to apply. One-quarter (25%) of U.S. candidates want to see fewer instances of ghost job postings or postings never meant to be filled. The report found 61% of U.S. job seekers were ghosted after a job interview, a nine percentage point increase since April 2024.
Employers use ghost jobs to build a talent pipeline for future needs, create the illusion of company growth to investors or employees, and gather data on potential applicants, says Triad Goodwill, Staffing by Starboard, and Harvard Resource Solutions. They may also use them to gauge market demand, comply with legal requirements to post positions publicly, or for staffing agencies to show they can recruit talent.
It’s very discouraging to me that a potential employee or employer can’t simply send an email informing the other party that they no longer seek a job with the organization or have filled the position with someone else. It takes one minute or two.
We live in a society where the pursuit of self-interest drives behavior. From the employee’s perspective, it can create feelings of guilt if direct communication is needed, or desired, to inform the employer of their lack of interest in pursuing a job offer. Moreover, it’s easy to rationalize that the employer wouldn’t contact them if the shoes were on the other foot. However, we should not act based on what others may do. We should act the way we would want them to act. Certainly, if an employer has found the candidate for a job position, most of us would wish they would inform us so we can move on and possibly accept a job offer with another employer.
Blog posted on November 11, 2025, by Steven Mintz, PhD. Steve is a Professor Emeritus from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. You can learn more about his activities at: www.stevenmintzethics.com.