Transforming your life by Changing Behavior
The other day I was thinking about how difficult it can be to change bad habits and behaviors. I reflected on my own experience. Earlier in life, I had problems controlling my temper. It took many years of therapy to make the very difficult change so that I no longer get upset when things go wrong, which happens all the time in life. For me, I learned to control my temper when I became the Dean of a Business College and had to deal with entitled faculty. I quickly learned that trying to debate faculty and/or call them out for selfish behavior was a losing battle. I opened my mind, listened to their issues, showed empathy, did what I could to make a positive difference in their lives, and became successful at what I did.
I recall during my therapy something my therapist said: “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” This seems overly simplistic but is easier said than done. Changing one’s behavior may be the most difficult thing to do in life.
Mindfulness for Wellbeing
Writing for Psychology Today, Itai-Ivtzan discusses “Mindfulness for Wellbeing:” He says: “We frequently feel compelled to shake things up—to transform everything so that life feels exciting and fresh again. But transformation is not that easy. It requires an active approach. You need to change things for your life to change.” The key points are:
- Research shows that people who actively engage in new activities can have a significant well-being increase.
- Different things inspire change in our lives; you have to play with the different options to find yours.
- Change requires an active approach.
He talks about his approach to changing behavior as follows: “I cultivate a trusting relationship with my inner voice. It took years. Now I listen—and act upon it. It’s the engine of my personal transformation.”
Intentional Steps to Change Habits and Behaviors
I read about the steps to take to change behavior and want to share them with you. It’s from a post of “Success Minded.”
Disrupting our status quo takes some concerted effort – our brains inherently crave the comfort of familiarity. However, with a strategic plan, you can introduce lasting positive changes. Here are some tips:
- Identify 1-2 specific areas you want to improve. Maybe it’s finally losing those last 10 pounds, finding a new job, cultivating healthier relationships, or shifting from a scarcity to an abundance mindset. Get very clear on your goals for change and how you’ll measure progress.
- Reflect on what current behaviors and thought patterns are contributing to the status quo you want to change. Radical self-awareness is key! For example, are you constantly on social media making you feel bad about yourself? Are you staying later at the office out of obligation vs. necessity?
- Break bigger goals down into smaller action steps you can tackle one by one. For example, if your goal is establishing a consistent gym routine, start by just going once a week. Build up from there.
- Enlist friends to support you and hold you accountable. Maybe you check in weekly on your progress. Accountability partners help motivate us when we slack off.
- When you inevitably slip up, get back on track the very next day vs. abandoning your goal altogether. Persistence and immediate course correction get results.
- Pay attention to cues and triggers threatening your new positive habits. If afternoon fatigue derails your gym plans, schedule workouts for mornings. Adapt your plan accordingly.
- Use tools like phone reminders and calendar appointments to help build new routines. The more it becomes an engrained habit, the less you’ll rely on prompts.
- Monitor your progress week by week. Are you noticing small wins? Celebrate when you achieve milestones! Marking progress keeps you motivated.
- Change takes time and consistent effort before it becomes natural. Be patient with yourself. Even small progress is still progress.
One thing I learned is we need a committed partner to make real change, someone who supports our choices. If our partner blames us for bad behavior or is confrontational, making real change may not be possible in that relationship. While it’s easier said than done, you may have to separate from that relationship that could become toxic if you stay engaged.
Good luck and let me know what you think by contacting me at: profdocsteve@gmail.com.
Blog posted on July 6, 2026 by Steven Mintz, PhD, professor emeritus from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Visit Steve’s website and check out his activities.