The Lost Art of Civility and Decency
The other day, I had a discussion with a colleague of mine about “The Lost Art of Civility,” something I have blogged about before. He seemed to believe that we are just now losing civility in American society. He pointed to the war in Iran, the takeover of Venezuela, the apprehension and deportation of thousands of immigrants, and so on. For him, it was a Donald Trump problem. While I don’t disagree, the loss of civility as a society goes much further back in time. I believe it started with the assassination of JFK. We lost our innocence as a nation on that awful day. Quickly thereafter, there was the assassination of Bobby Kennedy, MLK, and Malcolm X. This was followed by a war in Vietnam that no one seemed to want—especially my age group. Perhaps because we were drafted to fight in some far away place for no earthly reason. More recently, we’ve seen the cancel culture pop up from time to time and other events that pit one person, or one side, against the other.
I am writing this blog today because I fear for our country. ‘When a great democracy is destroyed, it will not be because of enemies from without, but rather because of enemies from within.’ The truth of this statement is becoming terrifyingly clear as we see this country each day losing on every front.
In online discussions, some commentators have acknowledged (as Prager University) that the statement is not a direct quotation from Abraham Lincoln, as some have said, but rather an interpretation or distillation of remarks he made in January 1838, during a speech at the Springfield Young Men’s Lyceum. However, others have mistakenly claimed that Lincoln uttered those exact words during his Lyceum speech.
It doesn’t matter who said it. The reason is it’s happening now, and we see it every day: Democrats blame Republicans for all the ills in society. Republicans blame Democrats.
Center on Civility & Democracy
I recently read about a survey that was discussed online on March 5, 2025. More than seven in 10 Americans want to play a part in restoring civility in America, new data from Reagan Foundation Center on Civility & Democracy finds.
The survey reveals the majority of Americans believe civility is struggling but are interested in finding common ground. This won’t happen unless our leaders find their way out of a morass of lies and explanations. I am not hopeful. The findings from this survey on the state of democracy and civility acknowledge the divide in the U.S. but reveal ways for Americans to find a way forward and foster civility.
“Our goal at the Center on Civility and Democracy is to reinstall the norms of respect and good citizenship in American public life, drawing from the example President Reagan set forth during his presidency,” said Fred Ryan, Director of the Center on Civility and Democracy. “This survey helps us to better understand the current state of the country and to identify ways to foster civility going forward – knowing that it does not mean agreement or compromise but rather finding areas of common ground and allowing space for disagreements.”
Major survey findings include:
- Three-quarters (73%) of Americans believe that we “tolerate outrageous and uncivilized behavior by elected officials” more today than in the past.
- Yet more than eight out of 10 Americans (83%) expect government leaders to find common ground across political lines. These expectations are not just generalized but extend to their own elected officials.
- Americans are divided in their expectations and outlook for the country.
– When asked about the country’s ability to focus on what unites us, about half of respondents (47%) said they were optimistic and a similar amount (45%) expressed pessimism.
– Republicans (72%) are most likely to be optimistic about the country’s ability to focus on what unites us. Only 30% of Democrats and 36% of Independents are optimistic.
– Older Americans express less optimism: those ages 65 and over (32%) are significantly more likely to be very pessimistic about our country’s ability to focus on what unites compared with those who are ages 18-29 (24%) or 30-41 (20%).
- Most Americans (52%) believe our democracy is weaker today than in the past.
– By contrast, only a quarter (25%) of Americans say our democracy is stronger. Independents (59%) and Democrats (61%) are more likely than Republicans (40%) to consider U.S. democracy weaker today. Additionally, half of Americans (51%) cite a decline in elected officials’ character and values.
– Despite today’s divide, 71% of respondents believe it’s possible to find common ground on most issues. The survey revealed that most people (69%) affirm the values set forth in the U.S. Constitution.
– Additionally, most people agree that we can settle differences without personal attack and 80% of respondents want and expect government leaders to find common ground.
- Furthermore, a significant number of respondents believe that our democracy will be stronger in the next ten years. While not a majority, and split by party lines, 44% of Americans believe our democracy will be stronger in the next 10 years compared to 29% who think it will be weaker.
Causes of the Decline of Civility in America
Some people blame incivility on the behavior of millennials and/or Gen Z. Perhaps there is some truth to it. However, from where do they get their bad behavior? I would say from previous generations. Most important, they tend to be self-centered a lot more than previous generations, and that can stoke the fires of incivility. However, you are kidding yourself if you blame it all on them. Republicans and Democrats are not, by and large, millennials and Gen Z, and they set a negative example of behavior all the time–and it’s fueled by selfishness.
I have blogged about the ills of incivility before. One example is from a personal perspective. It is the nasty comments I sometimes get on one of my blogs. It goes beyond and we’ve all personally experienced it – rudeness and discourteous behavior of others. It might be uncivil behavior in everyday life, such as using crude language, cutting in line, and road rage on the highway. Maybe it relates to a workplace situation: other people not listening to what we say, interrupting us, or having side conversations during our presentation. In some cases, it is personal, such as insults, personal attacks, and emotional put-downs. It may even be taken to an extreme with harmful consequences to one’s personal self-esteem. This includes ranting against us on social media and cyberbullying.
The breakdown in civility can be attributed to the fact that basic manners and graciousness are no longer taught at schools or in the home. Society only exacerbates the problem. All too many television shows depict folks acting badly, saying bad things — a basic immaturity in relationships with others. Some movies make it worse because they are moronic, yet that appeals to a segment of society. Of course, social media gets most of the blame where so many look for their “fifteen minutes of fame” through offensive posts on their Facebook page, distasteful tweeting, poorly thought-out Instagram photos, and silly YouTube postings.
I asked AI about Tik Tok and received this replay:
“TikTok has become a significant cultural force, shaping trends and influencing various aspects of daily life. It serves as a platform for creativity, allowing users to express themselves through short videos, which can foster community and connection. The platform has also emerged as a space for social justice activism, amplifying marginalized voices and mobilizing movements. However, there are concerns regarding its impact on mental health, particularly among younger users. Issues such as addiction to content and the pressure to conform to trends can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem. I agree that Tik Tok can be a force for good but the harms to youngsters outweigh any benefits it brings to the table.
It seems to me that incivility is becoming the new normal in our society. Unethical behavior underlies the incivility. Basic ethical values such as respect, fairness, honesty, graciousness, empathy, responsibility, and accountability have given way to hedonistic behavior that sometimes borders on narcissism.
The Good Folks
There are many good people out there who genuinely care about others and think about the consequences of their actions before making a final decision on how to act. At the other extreme, there are all too many who are driven by self-gratification and seem oblivious to the interests of others in decision-making.
Whether it’s random and senseless violence against another, road rage, cyber-bullying, or other offensive acts that are occurring with increased frequency in our society, the U.S., as a country, has lost its moral compass. I do not think it will be regained any time soon because we have fallen too far down the proverbial “ethical slippery slope,” and the issues of ethical behavior in society, workplace ethics, and a strong work ethic are nowhere on the radar. All too many are willing to “toot the horn” of American Exceptionalism without thinking about what makes for an exceptional person, society, or country.
Blog posted by Steven Mintz, Ph.D., professor emeritus, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Find out more about Steve’s activities on his website.