Characteristics of Civility
I have blogged before about the decline of civility in society. I always begin those blogs with the following statement:
By age sixteen, George Washington had copied out by hand 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. They are based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595. Rules of Civility was a list of 110 rules for people to follow. These rules dealt with different situations, such as how to be respectful to people, how to be polite when dining with others, and how to behave. Here is the first rule: Every Action done in Company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. Respect is an integral part of civility.
What is Civility?
Civility represents the quality of our behavior and how we interact with others whether in personal or professional relationships. This is important because how we treat other people signals who we are and what we value. Moreover, since the essence of ethics lies in how we are with others, civility and ethics are intricately linked. Incivility in society and in the workplace is on the rise. Virtually all people believe this is so. Every day we witness inconsiderate behavior, ‘in your face’ interaction in communications with others, and other forms of rudeness. There are many causes of incivility, not the least of which is the explosion of social media as a way to communicate, including rants on Twitter X, and other platforms. The anonymous nature of postings on the Internet feeds into such disrespectful behavior.
Civility in society has been in decline for a long time. I will discuss the reasons why in this blog. Civility in the workplace is also in decline, and I will discuss it in my “Workplace Ethics Advice” blog on Wednesday.
Incivility in Society
Let us clear up some misconceptions. Civility is not peripheral to ethics, dealing merely with manners. True civility does manifest itself in good manners, proper etiquette and politeness. But it also runs deeper and is more profound. Simply put, civility requires restraint, respect and responsibility in everyday life. Without these, we can never act ethically.
Civility cultivates a civic code of decency. It requires us to discipline our impulses for the sake of others. It demands we free ourselves from self-absorption. By putting ethics into practice in our day-to-day encounters, civility is that moral glue without which our society would come apart.”
The bottom line is ethics and civility are inextricably linked; you can’t have one without the other. This means ethics training must include discussions of civil behavior and ethical values.
Civility is more than just politeness. It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, listening past one’s preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.
Indeed, civility represents a long tradition of moral virtues essential to democracy. Virtues like empathy, humility, integrity, honesty, and respect for others are ideals of democratic engagement. Without civility a society can morph into verbal, accusatory, offensive verbal attacks on one another which is the way things have been headed in the U.S. for many years.
Civility represents the quality of our behavior with others in our communities. This is important because how we treat others’ signals who we are and what we value. Moreover, since the essence of ethics lies in how we are with others, civility and ethics are intricately linked.
Moral civility demands two things: (1) that we respect other people’s fundamental rights, liberties, and equal civic standing, for example by avoiding racist and discriminatory speech and behavior and (2) Justificatory civility that requires that we refrain from justifying political rules based on self-interested or sectarian reasons.
Cancel Culture
One result of a lack of civility in society is that one person or group of people is disrespectful to another group that does not agree with their point of view. As a result, that person/group may fall victim to the “cancel culture,” whereby they are shunned or made to feel guilty for their position. If a person in the offended group does not support the cancel culture view, then they, too, may be cancelled.
Increasingly, we see speakers canceled because some group on a college campus disagrees with their message. This is anathema to a free and open society and violates freedom of speech–a Constitutional right.
Civility Survey Results
Most Americans believe society is less civil now than it was a decade ago, and they blame social media and public officials for that decline, according to a new poll by the American Bar Association.
Fully 85% of the 1,000 respondents of the ABA’s annual Survey of Civic Literacy said civility in today’s society is worse than 10 years ago, while 8% said it was better. When asked to cite the primary factor in declining civility, 29% said social media, 24% said media, 19% said public officials, and 8% said the educational system. Just 2% of respondents chose courts. “Our country is experiencing a period of divisiveness,” said ABA President Deborah Enix-Ross.
More than a third of those polled, 34%, said family and friends should hold the primary responsibility for improving civility in society, while 27% said that responsibility should fall to public officials. And 90% of respondents said parents and families are most responsible for instilling civility in children, followed by schools at 6%. Here are additional results.
- 79% want compromise from political leaders.
- 29% point to social media as cause of diminishing civility.
A 2023 survey from the nonprofit Heterodox Academy found nearly 59% of college students were reluctant to discuss controversial topics in the classroom, where debate and disagreement should flourish as part of the educational process. Their leading concern was criticism and backlash from peers.
Woke Culture
Some in society fear upsetting one group or another with divergent views on social and political issues. In addition to the cancel culture, we now have a “woke culture” that has divided the country in ways from which we may never recover.
Woke nowadays refers to being aware or well informed in a political or cultural sense, especially regarding issues surrounding marginalized communities – it describes someone who has “woken up” to issues of social injustice. The right often criticizes the left for “wokeness.” This is counterproductive. It only stokes the flame of fire. Let us debate differences and not label others with such a broad stroke.
What Does the Future Hold?
I wish I could say the future is positive and we can reverse the trend of declining civility. However, I’d have to be a “cockeyed optimist,” to do so. Call me a cynic if you like but I expect things to get worse before they get better.
Most people in Congress do not have the stomach to deal with these issues. They would rather insult each other and blame them for whatever comes to mind, especially those in one party calling out those in the other for a point of view different from their own.
I don’t disagree with expressing another point of view in public or on social media but like so many things in life, it is the way you do or say things, rather than the actions themselves, that shows your true character. We need to learn to say and take actions that do not provoke another person or group of people with an opposing point of view but, instead, seeks to engage them in constructive dialogue.
One reason civility is in decline is the lack of education in our schools. Students get their manners from parents who are all too often disengaged and not setting an ethical example. They get it from listening to disrespectful dialogue on television, in the movies, and elsewhere, or on social media. The schools need to counter those effects. If we don’t educate students to be civil to one another, how will we ever proclaim the moral high ground?
Absent the existence of a messiah who can redirect the country to its roots of kindness, empathy, and civility, and following The Golden Rule, I doubt that things will get better before they get worse.
Blog posted on November 3, 2025, by Dr. Steven Mintz, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. You can find out more about Steve’s activities by visiting his website at: (www.stevenmintzethics.com/).